How Running Away Renewed my Spirit and My Soul

How Running Away Renewed My Spirit....

There have been days when I wanted to hide under my bed and just lay there, sulking for an unlimited amount of time, perhaps forever.
There have been days when I wanted to just get up and leave, never to even think about coming back again.
There were nights when arguments would escalate and I would cry myself to sleep, wondering if it was me or if it was him or perhaps, both of us.
Seeing a counselor. Yes, that helped.
Taking anti-depressants, sure that helped.
But nothing did me any good.
Until I ran away.

Yes, I ran away. From it all. My husband, my friends, my pets, my neighbors. From my writing job here in Florida. I ran away to refresh my soul and my brain. I needed this, for me. Of course my husband didn't see it that way. He saw it as an affront to him. Pfft. Men are like that, you know. They think everything is about them. When in reality, it has nothing to do with them at all. It has to do with us, the female half of the relationship. It has to do with us wanting more out of life, wanting to get to know ourselves better. And in my case, connecting to my daughter and her family including my three grandchildren who I rarely see anymore. I needed them and hopefully, they needed me.

Nothing is more rewarding than having three little ones crowd around you for attention. I never tired of the "Grammy, Grammy, Grammy. Look at me!" that followed me around each day I was out in Portland, Oregon. I never tired of their little faces, their antics, their love. They would follow me everywhere and when I would finally get a bit tired and want to retire to my room, they seemed to understand because they knew i would eventually come back downstairs to be with them, to watch t.v. or to read to them or to just play. 

I loved being with my daughter who is a grown woman doing grown woman things...working every day, going to school at night, volunteering at a homeless shelter one night a week. She and I had plenty of time to connect...via shopping, going for coffee or for dinner. I had the blessed experience of connecting with my son in law. We have never really seen eye to eye but for some reason, during this visit, we didn't argue. Not once. We laughed and joked. We talked. It was...well, wondrous.

I did a little writing. Even though my computer crashed when I got there, I was able to borrow my son in law's in order to write a short story or two, outline a new novel. Things I just don't seem to do at home. This is, after all, why I ran away. To get back in the groove, to find my motivation again. 

I talked to my hubby almost every day via cell. He was incredibly lonesome without me and there was nothing I could do but assure him I would return. He wasn't so sure since I had bought a one way ticket out to Oregon. But I always buy one way tickets. It's cheaper that way, at least for me. Who can beat 300.00 roundtrip fare from Florida and back again? I even got an upgrade in seating on the trip out! Not so dumb, if you ask me. He talked about seeing the counselor while I was gone, their conversations. He talked about being depressed. I invited him to join me in Portland. No, it was too expensive he sighed. Well, maybe, but I thought the trip would do him good too. Still, he didn't want to part with the money. It didn't make me any less happy that I had made the choice to come. In fact, I was happier than a clam, being out in the cool weather, my window thrown open at night. Bundled up in quilts, feeling the fresh air brush against my face. I was loving the change. Because you know, everyone needs that occasionally. A change in atmosphere, in perspective.

I stayed exactly three weeks and one day. Perfect. The weather changed for the worse the day I left. Thank you God for an October that couldn't have been better in Portland, OR. Thank you to my daughter and her wonderful family for their hospitality and understanding that mom and "grammy" needed that break and am so much better off for it. And thank you Bob, my lovely hubby, for not breaking my spirit and by welcoming me home with flowers and wine and candles. I think he finally gets it...that I needed to run away in order to run back home again and live life to the fullest. Until the next time, when my spirit and soul beg for renewal.